So we’re finally here. Another year has finally ended. I still can’t believe how fast time has went by. And I’m still alive. I’m still breathing. And that my friends, is a true miracle.
Aside from wanting to join the bandwagon of posting how 2018 has been, I just needed another to reason to post a
All jokes aside, I just wanted to take some time and really reflect on how the year has been. I wanted a keepsake to remind myself that I survived.
My god, 2018 has been nothing but a pain in the arse to the say the least. More than half of the year was spent either crying myself to sleep or my deepest and darkest thoughts keeping me awake. There’s no in between.
2018 was also the year that I finally accepted that there was something wrong with me — that I had
depression. But it was also the year that I finally accepted help. That there are people who are willing to help and stay despite all the panic attacks and anxiety. (OMG, I can’t believe I’m tearing up while typing this.)
TO MY SUPPORT SYSTEM,
I have a long-list of thank you’s for you all, but that would take me forever. So here’s a gist of what I am grateful for:
- Thank you for fighting my demons with me. If it wasn’t for those little moments, I would literally be 5-feet under the ground right now.
- Thank you for listening to all of fears and doubts and for giving me reassurance.
- Thank you for being the light that I needed.
- Thank you for being the voice to tell me to keep on fighting.
- Thank you for loving me despite being.. well, uhm, me.
- Thank you for keeping me sane.
I love you with all of my soul. You keep me alive (literally).
I can’t say that 2018 bought me good things to even out the bad because with all honesty, 2018 is nothing but tears and sadness. But what I CAN say about 2018, that it taught me that’s it is okay to slow down and be kind to yourself.
The biggest lesson I’ve learned is, “It’s okay.” It’s okay for me to be kind to myself. It’s okay to be wrong. It’s okay to get mad. It’s okay to be flawed. It’s okay to be happy. It’s okay to move on.Hayley Williams, Paramore
Bonjour, 2019! Je suis prêt.
I pray that 2019 brings me joy and peace of mind. I pray to keep all of those who kept me alive last year. I pray that the flicker of light there is right now, outshines the darkness in my head. I pray for a full recovery for both my mom and I.
It’s been a whirlwind of emotions. A helluva roller coaster ride. It was a damn battle. I have literal scars to prove it. Here’s to facing 2019 head on!